I Am Best
Being overbearing and insecure has its advantages.
In the workplace, everyone needs to know where they fit in. Once you know where you rank in the pecking order you can just relax and get in with your job. It generally boils down to personality rather than job role or income, although these factors do have a bearing on a worker’s identity.
We establish these working relationships right from the start through subtle exchanges and interaction, even conflict sometimes. We are not even aware we are doing it.
In my office we have a slightly different approach.
Not that we don’t have our fair share of conflict. Oh yes. The argument about “Who was coolest” raged for three weeks last Spring. It started simply enough, each of us taking it in turns to say “Shut up, I’m way cooler than you” Then the conversation turned to music taste, hobbies and leisure activities, friends. But still we couldn’t agree. We all did a team building event together, but rather than bring us together it just increased the competition levels. We tried gauging the issue based on who would beat who in a fight. This only revealed who was hardest and still the question of who was coolest went unanswered. It was a conundrum.
In the end our ever resourceful manager devised a chart on the white board. We broke our definitions of cool down into 4 categories. I can’t remember the categories now. Probably something like, knowledge of obscure bands, knowledge of sport, fashion and do you sit forward or “gangster lean” when driving.
I can’t remember who came out on top in the chart either. I remember disagreeing vehemently with everyone on almost every point and shouting loudly about how I was right and everyone else was wrong because I was best and if they said otherwise they were gay and anyway it wasn’t even fair so shut up. There may even have been tears. Possibly a psychiatric referral further down the line, some mention of taking some time out while undergoing treatment, I don’t remember and it doesn’t matter. Sandra was admited to hospital with sever burns after the being physically attacked with a mars bar by the vending machine. My point is, I won. Yes. I ground them down and now I am officially best. Hahahahaha! Ha!
Oh man, that was a great week.